


(un)accountable

by imposterhuman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Civil War Team Iron Man, Gen, Genius Tony Stark, Inspired By Tumblr, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Steve Friendly, Salt, Sassy Tony Stark, Tony Being Tony, all salt, as in theyre idiots but not irredeemable, because tony takes no shit, idiot steve, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 15:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18346550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: Tony knew everything was going to go to shit the instant Steve got that crease between his eyebrows, the one that meant he’d taken a bullheaded (and usually stupid) stance.or, the accords debate, if tony gave up on being niceTEAM IRON MAN- usual rules apply





	(un)accountable

**Author's Note:**

> based on a tumblr post from itsallAvengers (https://itsallavengers.tumblr.com/post/183708206796/itsallavengers-honestly-i-just-want-tony-starks)
> 
> bring back my sassy goblin man 2k19
> 
> enjoy!

Tony knew everything was going to go to shit the instant Steve got that crease between his eyebrows, the one that meant he’d taken a bullheaded (and usually stupid) stance.

 

In his hands was a copy of the Accords, ratified by 117 countries full of the _little guys_ Steve claimed to protect. When Steve had received them, he had looked shocked, as if the Accords hadn’t been all over the news since Sokovia. Tony had put TVs in the Compound; the Avengers had no excuse to not watch the damn news every once in a while.

 

“This document just shifts the blame,” Steve announced confidently, after reading all of three pages.

 

Tony rolled his eyes. Rhodey, the only one with common sense, apparently, raised an eyebrow. “I'm sorry. Steve. That is dangerously arrogant,” he said incredulously. “This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not SHIELD, it's not HYDRA.”

 

“No, but it's run by people with agendas, and agendas change,” Steve shot back.

 

“ _People with agendas,_ ” Tony mocked under his breath. “Newsflash: everyone has an agenda. That’s not even a comprehensible argument.”

 

Steve turned to him. “Did you say something?” he asked.

 

“No,” Tony smiled like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. “But, Steve, do you know what an agenda is?” Steve opened his mouth, but Tony didn’t let him talk. “It’s literally just a motivation, a reason for doing something. _Of course_ everyone has an agenda. You have one, too; don’t think I haven’t noticed your _free Bucky_ jaunts all over the world. By your logic, your agenda should disqualify you from leading the Avengers, right?”

 

Rhodey snickered. Steve flushed an ugly red. “If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose,” he defended.

 

“You have a fundamental misunderstanding of how contracts work.”

 

“What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go?” Steve continued. “What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

 

“ _The safest hands are still our own_ \- Steve, there are fifteen _dead_ in Lagos because of your hands,” Tony hissed, in awe of Steve’s arrogance. “I think the UN can make better decisions than you. If the delegates of the _United Nations_ choose not to send a violent task force into a situation, _they’re probably right_.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“Tell me, Steve, how many years have you studied international diplomacy, again?” Tony stood up in a vicious movement, running a hand through already messy hair. “You can’t honestly think you know best. You cannot possibly be that delusional. Some problems can’t be solved by hitting them really hard, _please_ tell me you know that?”

 

Steve glared at him. “We can’t sign these, Tony.”

 

“If we don't do this now, it's gonna be done to us later,” Tony admitted, sitting back down with a sigh. “That's the fact. That won't be pretty.”

 

Wanda, who had been silent, spoke up. “You're saying they'll come for me,” she said dully.

 

“Absolutely,” Tony didn’t beat around the bush. Despite what Steve was always preaching, she _wasn’t_ a kid, and she didn’t need things sugarcoated for her. “You’re the easiest target; the fifteen in Lagos, after you were already on shaky ground after Sokovia? They want your head on a platter.”

 

“And the Accords will give them that!” Steve shouted, standing. “Wanda, we can’t sign these.”

 

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “Does the rest of the peanut gallery have something to add before I lose my shit?” he asked pleasantly. “Being in a room with this much idiocy is actually hurting my brain.”

 

“So let's say we agree to this thing. How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?” Sam challenged.

 

“The Accords literally mean that the government can’t do that,” explained Tony. “The whole point is checks and balances, oversight, accountability. If you do something wrong, you’ll get punished. We aren’t above the law; this holds us to it.”

 

“It’s like oversight in the military,” Rhodey added, shooting Tony a sympathetic glace. “It’s not a collar.”

 

“What will they do to me?” Wanda asked quietly.

 

“Nothing,” Tony said, holding her eyes. He didn’t like her, not at all, but even he wasn’t cruel enough to let Ross get his slimy hands on her. Anything less than his protection, and he would. “If you sign, you’re protected by the entire UN _and_ me. You don’t have to like me, but my protection means something, especially if I have the international community on my side.” Tony grimaced. “They don’t like you very much, though. You’d have to make some serious efforts at amends. And, of course, it all goes down the drain if you fly off the rails.”

 

Instead of lashing out, like Tony had expected, Wanda simply nodded. “I understand,” she said.

 

Steve looked utterly betrayed. “Natasha?” he turned towards the only one of them yet to speak.

 

She winced, almost imperceptibly. “Tony’s right,” she admitted. “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off…”

 

Tony looked at her, startled. “You told the government to kiss your ass a few years ago,” he reminded her skeptically.

  
  
She smiled sweetly. “So did you.”

 

“Fair point,” he conceded, gesturing with a lazy hand for her to continue.

 

“I'm just reading the terrain,” she stared at Steve. “We have made… some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

 

Steve’s phone buzzed, but he ignored it in favor of glaring at the room, Tony in particular. “This isn’t the way to do that,” he argued. “This shows the public that we’re not taking responsibility for our actions.”

 

“How much responsibility have you taken?” Tony glared right back. He was at the end of his rope. He didn’t even notice he was shouting, or that everyone else fled the room. “Did you organize relief efforts after New York, or were you off _finding yourself_ ? How about after the fall of SHIELD? Did you spare a thought for the dead agents and their families, plus the civilians you killed by dropping three helicarriers on a busy river? Or because they weren’t _Bucky_ , they didn’t matter? Tell me, Steve, have you taken an ounce of responsibility for Sokovia? Have you gone to help in any way?”

 

“Tony-”

 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tony snarled, visibly reigning in his temper. “You think you know best and you _don’t_. Sign the damn Accords, Steve.”

 

“I can’t sign, Tony,” Steve said, shaking his head.

 

Tony blew out a long breath. “Okay,” he said amiably. He gathered up his copy of the Accords in a neat stack, distancing himself from Steve like he was just another irritating Board member. His smile had shark teeth. “Effective immediately, I and SI will no longer be funding your unsanctioned missions. If you’re going to act like a vigilante, I’m not having any part of that.”

 

Steve paled. “That’s not fair,” he stuttered. “I need to be able to help people.”

 

“Are you helping?” Tony arched an eyebrow, looking over his shoulder as he strolled out. “Because there are 117 countries who say you aren’t, Steve. Are they wrong?”

 

The _yes_ that Steve tried to say stuck in his throat. Just as well; he was alone, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> ohhhhh god i forgot how much i hate this damn movie until i read the script for this scene  
> .  
> srsly, why was this a debate???? the un isnt even a lawmaking body; at best the accords are guidelines until individual countries institute them as law (correct me if im wrong, i havent studied the un since like,,,, apush). even chris evans is team iron man (https://www.inverse.com/article/14839-chris-evans-says-he-s-team-iron-man-in-a-real-world-captain-america-civil-war), OF COURSE superheros need oversight, like any other job in which peoples lives are at risk. the un is literally the best group to do it. marvel really ran out of ideas huh
> 
> i welcome your (polite) discourse!
> 
> comments and kudos make me smile


End file.
